Download Commitment and Healing: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic by Richard A. Isay PDF

By Richard A. Isay

"What's love obtained to do with it? every little thing, in accordance with Richard Isay's knowledgeable and illuminating examine the position of romance in smooth homosexual existence. I hugely suggest this ebook for individuals of any new release and partnership status."

--Dean H. Hamer, Ph.D., writer of The technological know-how of wish and The God Gene

"Richard Isay bargains whatever much better than uncomplicated bromides and fake desire. during this ebook, he demanding situations us with a provocative, illuminating, and eventually hopeful examine ourselves and explains how these people who yearn to like and be enjoyed (and who doesn't?) can top locate happiness and therapeutic in a devoted relationship."

--Eric Marcus, writer of The Male Couple's advisor and jointly Forever

"Many homosexual males (and others, too) tend to locate this ebook really fascinating and necessary. In a sequence of vividly illuminating case histories and with a psychoanalyst's intensity and readability of perception, Richard Isay lucidly explains why homosexual males have specific hassle in setting up and maintaining loving relationships and the way they could sensibly enhance their probabilities of doing so."

--Harry G. Frankfurt, Ph.D., writer of On Bullshit and the explanations of Love

"Richard Isay's portrayals of homosexual men's lives usually are arguable. Isay isn't the stereotypical psychoanalyst who sits quietly whereas his sufferers ramble--and we're the entire higher for that. He has whatever to claim and what he says is worthy listening to. This provocative booklet could be learn by means of a person who yearns for yet hasn't but came upon genuine love."

--William Rubenstein, Founding Director of the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation legislation and previous Director of the ACLU Lesbian & homosexual Rights Project

"Based on Dr. Isay's 3 a long time of expertise operating with homosexual males in treatment, it is a deeply considerate examine of the problems homosexual males may possibly adventure with falling and staying in love. For a homosexual guy, studying this publication could cause him to revisit a few darkish areas alongside his personal life's trip, however it also will supply him a glimpse of the self-affirmation and potential for swap which are the objectives of gay-positive psychotherapy."

--Simon LeVay, Ph.D., writer of Human Sexuality and Queer Science

"Indispensable insights from America's wisest observer of homosexual relationships."

--Charles Kaiser, writer of The homosexual Metropolis

"Gay humans search the liberty to marry for a similar mixture of purposes as non-gay humans, and for many, love and dedication are primary. Drawing on his extraordinary services and a long time of news from his sufferers, Richard Isay explores the demanding situations and price of romantic love--how to beat our pasts and improve our current lives at home--as we construct a way forward for higher equality and inclusion in society."

--Evan Wolfson, writer of Why Marriage concerns

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Commitment and Healing: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic Love

"What's love obtained to do with it? every thing, in response to Richard Isay's educated and illuminating examine the position of romance in glossy homosexual existence. I hugely suggest this publication for individuals of any new release and partnership prestige. "

--Dean H. Hamer, Ph. D. , writer of The technological know-how of wish and The God Gene

"Richard Isay deals anything much better than basic bromides and fake desire. during this e-book, he demanding situations us with a provocative, illuminating, and finally hopeful examine ourselves and explains how these folks who yearn to like and be enjoyed (and who doesn't? ) can top locate happiness and therapeutic in a devoted courting. "

--Eric Marcus, writer of The Male Couple's advisor and jointly Forever

"Many homosexual males (and others, too) are inclined to locate this publication enormously attention-grabbing and priceless. In a sequence of vividly illuminating case histories and with a psychoanalyst's intensity and readability of perception, Richard Isay lucidly explains why homosexual males have specific hassle in constructing and maintaining loving relationships and the way they could sensibly increase their possibilities of doing so. "

--Harry G. Frankfurt, Ph. D. , writer of On Bullshit and the explanations of Love

"Richard Isay's portrayals of homosexual men's lives usually are debatable. Isay isn't the stereotypical psychoanalyst who sits quietly whereas his sufferers ramble--and we're all of the higher for that. He has anything to assert and what he says is worthy listening to. This provocative booklet might be learn via somebody who yearns for yet hasn't but discovered true love. "

--William Rubenstein, Founding Director of the Williams Institute on Sexual Orientation legislation and previous Director of the ACLU Lesbian & homosexual Rights Project

"Based on Dr. Isay's 3 many years of expertise operating with homosexual males in treatment, it is a deeply considerate research of the problems homosexual males may possibly event with falling and staying in love. For a homosexual guy, analyzing this ebook could cause him to revisit a few darkish locations alongside his personal life's trip, however it also will provide him a glimpse of the self-affirmation and skill for switch which are the targets of gay-positive psychotherapy. "

--Simon LeVay, Ph. D. , writer of Human Sexuality and Queer Science

"Indispensable insights from America's wisest observer of homosexual relationships. "

--Charles Kaiser, writer of The homosexual Metropolis

"Gay humans search the liberty to marry for a similar mixture of purposes as non-gay humans, and for many, love and dedication are primary. Drawing on his remarkable services and a long time of reports from his sufferers, Richard Isay explores the demanding situations and cost of romantic love--how to beat our pasts and enhance our current lives at home--as we construct a way forward for better equality and inclusion in society. "

--Evan Wolfson, writer of Why Marriage issues

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Additional info for Commitment and Healing: Gay Men and the Need for Romantic Love

Example text

Childhood involves a perpetual tension between depending on caregivers and separating from them. Parents must be good enough to impart sufficient comfort and security to their child to enable him to take the literal and figurative steps that are necessary to become an individual. In the process, the nature of his needs differentiates, and the number of people he needs naturally expands from his parents to others. The methods he can use to get love and attention become increasingly nuanced and enhanced as the child emerges from being utterly dependent.

They undermine the child’s self-esteem by causing him to believe that his feelings and needs are unimportant and that it would be futile to express them because they will be unfulfilled or met with an unempathic response. If rejection, lack of interest, emotional neglect, or empathic failures have been early, severe, and consistent, a child usually stops asking for what he needs and may soon forget that he needs at all, eventually losing touch with his need for love. qxd 3/9/06 22 10:56 AM Page 22 commitment and healing Alan Alan is a good-looking, muscular forty-six-year-old who started to work with me several years ago when he recognized the difficulty he had in sustaining any loving, romantic attachments.

They also worry about their mortality and future illness. It is in their forties that most gay men grow to understand that only a lasting loving relationship with another man will provide them with a sense of selfworth and ultimate happiness. qxd 3/9/06 34 10:56 AM Page 34 commitment and healing heterosexual marriage, work, increasing self-absorption, a preoccupation with their looks, the creation of a beautiful and comforting environment that they inhabit alone, or the excessive use of alcohol and recreational drugs.

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